4TBM. Have a read through Meli’s retelling of Theseus and the Minotaur and post a comment about something you like about it. We’ll look at this together in class tomorrow. I’ve added some of my thoughts in red.
King Minos of Crete was a person who wanted all power and he was evil and yet he was a king. He was so full of himself that he built a huge palace for himself. But right under the huge palace there was fear. [Great sentence!] Fear of a labyrinth. [Brilliant, powerful short sentence] Because somewhere deep in the labyrinth there was a Minotaur. A Minotaur is a bloodthirsty, murderous monster and it feeds on human flesh. [Yikes! Great description]
But there was something extra. King Aegeus of Athens had each year to send 7 boys and 7 girls to feed the terrible Minotaur. King Aegeus didn’t like doing that but he just didn’t want a war with Crete.
Theseus, the son of Aegeus,was in town being happy and having a good time but then he saw his father waving goodbye to 14 tributes about to get eaten by the Minotaur. Theseus asked why and his father explained everything.
“That won’t happen because I am going to be one of the tributes and I will kill this monster,” said the young, brave man.
“If you succeed, you must raise a white sail when you return. If not, raise a black one,” said King Aegeus with a little tear in his eye.
[This is excellent dialogue from Meli because it is helping to tell the story. And she’s remembered the punctuation and the rule ‘new speaker, new line’]
When Theseus arrived with the others he walked to the palace and saw King Minos and beside him was Princess Ariadne, King Minos’s beautiful daughter. When Princess Ariadne saw young, brave Theseus, she started to admire him. So when Theseus was going into the labyrinth, Princess Ariadne secretly walked up to Theseus when nobody was looking and said: “Even if you kill the Minotaur, you will never find your way out so take this. It will help you.” And she gave Theseus some thread. Theseus took the thread and he was off into the darkness of the labyrinth.
Somewhere in the labyrinth, Theseus turned a dark corner and felt a sharp horn and then straight away he knew there was the Minotaur in front of him. From the first second, Theseus held onto the horns and brought his sword down and slayed the half-man-half-bull beast. [I think I would have liked Meli to describe the battle in more detail.]
When Theseus had killed the Minotaur he took the thread then looked for the entrance to the labyrinth. When he came out he saw Princess Ariadne there waiting for him and she said, “Oh my God you’re alive!” You must take me with you or my father will kill me.”
When Theseus was sailing back home, Ariadne wouldn’t stop blabbing [Fun choice of word!] about her and Theseus getting married. But Theseus had something else in mind. Theseus realised that just because he had saved Ariadne he was expected to marry her. So he stopped at an island and asked Ariadne to get some food. She stepped off the boat and he set off without her.
So the so-called amazing Prince Theseus was selfish and a traitor. Theseus said, “I will not marry her. I will marry the prettiest girl in Athens or a goddess, not her.” But while Theseus was going back and thinking about the future he forgot to change the black sail to a white one. So when King Aegeus, who was waiting at the top of a cliff, saw the black sail, he thought his son was dead. So he threw himself off the cliff. And to this day that sea has been called the Aegean Sea in memory of the heartbroken king.
[Meli has retold the story in clear and entertaining language. She has written in the past tense throughout. She has varied her sentences and used some great phrases and vocabulary. All of the dialogue helps to tell the story – there’s no chit chat! These are all the things you need to aim for in your next piece of work.]