Theseus and the Minotaur, retold by Meli

4TBM.  Have a  read through Meli’s retelling of Theseus and the Minotaur and post a comment about something you like about it.  We’ll look at this together in class tomorrow.  I’ve added some of my thoughts in red.

King Minos of Crete was a person who wanted all power and he was evil and yet he was a king.   He was so full of himself that he built a huge palace for himself. But right under the huge palace there was fear.  [Great sentence!]  Fear of a labyrinth. [Brilliant, powerful short sentence] Because somewhere deep in the labyrinth there was a Minotaur.  A Minotaur is a bloodthirsty, murderous monster and it feeds on human flesh. [Yikes!  Great description]  

But there was something extra.   King Aegeus of Athens had each year to send 7 boys and 7 girls to feed the terrible Minotaur.   King Aegeus didn’t like doing that but he just didn’t want a war with Crete.

Theseus, the son of Aegeus,was in town being happy and having a good time but then he saw his father waving goodbye to 14 tributes about to get eaten by the Minotaur.  Theseus asked why and his father explained everything.

“That won’t happen because I am going to be one of the tributes and I will kill this monster,” said the young, brave man.

“If you succeed, you must raise a white sail when you return.  If not, raise a black one,” said King Aegeus with a little tear in his eye.

[This is excellent dialogue from Meli because it is helping to tell the story.   And she’s remembered the punctuation and the rule ‘new speaker, new line’]

When Theseus arrived with the others he walked to the palace and saw King Minos and beside him was Princess Ariadne, King Minos’s beautiful daughter.  When Princess Ariadne saw young, brave Theseus, she started to admire him. So when Theseus was going into the labyrinth, Princess Ariadne secretly walked up to Theseus when nobody was looking and said: “Even if you kill the Minotaur, you will never find your way out so take this.  It will help you.” And she gave Theseus some thread. Theseus took the thread and he was off into the darkness of the labyrinth.

Somewhere in the labyrinth, Theseus turned a dark corner and felt a sharp horn and then straight away he knew there was the Minotaur in front of him.  From the first second, Theseus held onto the horns and brought his sword down and slayed the half-man-half-bull beast.  [I think I would have liked Meli to describe the battle in more detail.]

When Theseus had killed the Minotaur he took the thread then looked for the entrance to the labyrinth.  When he came out he saw Princess Ariadne there waiting for him and she said, “Oh my God you’re alive!”  You must take me with you or my father will kill me.”

When Theseus was sailing back home, Ariadne wouldn’t stop blabbing [Fun choice of word!] about her and Theseus getting married.  But Theseus had something else in mind. Theseus realised that just because he had saved Ariadne he was expected to marry her.   So he stopped at an island and asked Ariadne to get some food. She stepped off the boat and he set off without her.   

So the so-called amazing Prince Theseus was selfish and a traitor.   Theseus said, “I will not marry her. I will marry the prettiest girl in Athens or a goddess, not her.”  But while Theseus was going back and thinking about the future he forgot to change the black sail to a white one.  So when King Aegeus, who was waiting at the top of a cliff, saw the black sail, he thought his son was dead. So he threw himself off the cliff.   And to this day that sea has been called the Aegean Sea in memory of the heartbroken king.

[Meli has retold the story in clear and entertaining language.  She has written in the past tense throughout. She has varied her sentences and used some great phrases and vocabulary.  All of the dialogue helps to tell the story – there’s no chit chat! These are all the things you need to aim for in your next piece of work.]

Polar bear on Jupiter and other stories

Enjoy these stories – versions of Baboon on the Moon, the animation that we’ve been using as inspiration – by Niccolo, Rufus and Nyah.

4TBM – read the stories through and leave a comment by replying to this post.  You could pick out your favourite sentence(s) or say what it is about your classmates’ writing that you most enjoy.

Polar Bear on Jupiter, by Niccolo

Far, far away, on the other side of the solar system, lies a giant gas planet called Jupiter.  Jupiter is the biggest planet and it has a giant storm that has lasted 350 years. The planet can fit over 2000 Earths.

Polar bear was silent.  He never snored, breathed heavily or moved.  He slept a lot. At exactly 7pm (Jupiter time), his alarm went off playing Jupitarian music from a rock band called the Rolling Moles.  

Polar bear gave a giant yawn, rolled out of bed and stood up with big bags under his eyes.  He was a bit annoyed that his alarm had woken him up so early. After his breakfast, he decided to do his job, taking photos of the red sport, the giant storm on Jupiter.  He grabbed his camera and set off.

With a frown on his face, Polar bear slumped across the planet to his work.  He was going close enough for him to take a photo of the red spot. When he arrived where he wanted to, he snapped a few pictures, but without noticing he was moving forward close enough that… his camera got sucked in!  Polar bear glared at the red spot.  Curse you, red spot, he thought in his head.  

Polar bear watched the camera zooming around in the storm.  He was hoping it might come out and he could catch it, but no chance.   He was really annoyed. Polar bear watched for an hour or two. After a while, he got fed up and trudged home.  

When Polar bear arrived home, he sat on his chair and made a cup of tea for himself.  He sipped it about once in thirty seconds. Polar bear stretched his hand out and “Whoosh!” the camera had whirled back from the red spot straight into his hand.  Polar bear was shocked. He happily sent the photos back to Earth.

Polar bear was delighted.  He went outside and, with a tear in his eye, stared at Earth, especially at the Arctic where he used to live.  After a while he went inside, pulled a book from his bookshelf and went outside. He started reading the book.  It was called Polar bear on Jupiter.

 

The Saturn Rabbit by Rufus

Far, far away there was a planet called Saturn.  It was a gas giant (so you would probably fall right through it!)

The whole place was creepy silent apart from the wriggling of a rabbit.  He was wriggling like mad!

His alarm went off and made the sound of a bunny singing.  It was a bright morning and good for ice racing. He went to his shed and got his racing gear.  

But as soon as he got there, there was another racer on the ring.  He said, “Can you race me?” The Rabbit said “yes” but then he said that whoever won got to live on the planet.  They raced and the other racer was fast. 

So he pressed the big red button and went as fast as a cheetah and won!  They both shook hands but the rabbit said “Shoo!” and drove away.  

When he got home, his home was a bomb site.  So he tidied up. After that we went to his settee and sat down.  He got his clarinet and played away.  

 

Cheetah on Neptune, by Nyah

On the other side of the galaxy, there was a planet called Neptune.  Neptune has over 1000 miles per hour winds. It also has 14 moons.

Everything was dark.  The cheetah’s alarm was set to 3am.   She got out of bed and went to brush her teeth. For breakfast she had some toast and sausages and a cup of hot chocolate.  After breakfast, she grabbed her bag and set out in the darkness.

With a smile on her face, she padded to work.  On the way she stopped at one of Neptune’s famous pools so she wanted to have some fun.  And she met her best buddy penguin and they were having the best time ever. Some of Penguin’s friends were there too.  After they had gone crazy, they found a jellyfish and it became friends. Then they were relaxing on the ice chairs while eating chocolate cake.

When it was coming to the evening someone threw a massive party.  In the middle of it, Cheetah’s boss called and said, “Why did you not come to work today?”  

“I was walking to work and then I saw Neptune’s famous pool and I wanted to have some fun.  Sorry,” Cheetah said.  

When it was midnight and the party was over Cheetah was at home taking a relaxing hot bath.  The next day was Mother’s Day and Cheetah had to go back to Earth to celebrate Mother’s day so for a present she chipped a little piece off Neptune and hopped in her rocket.  It became a lovely day and the funny thing was she did not have to go to work.

Letters to Earth

The children produced their first piece of extended writing on Friday.  They had to imagine that they were the baboon on the moon (see earlier post) and write a letter home to a loved one on Earth.  There’s lots of great writing.  Here are extracts from letters by Kenza, Oscar, Kia, Rufus, Sam and Adam. 

Baboon on the moon

When I was little I would lie on the grass with you and Dad and we would look in the sky and wonder what the moon tasted like.  Kenza

Ever since I was a little baboon I used to stare at the night sky and dream of successfully travelling to the moon.  Turns out my dream care true. I built a rocket and now I’m sitting on a crater staring at Mali. Oscar

I’m liking living on the moon but sometimes I do get bored and gaze at the Earth and think of you and the family and wish I was with you.  Kia.

I never have had a more lonely life but it is fun.  Rufus

I built a rocket out of cardboard (as you do) and I fly back to Earth to get supplies.  Sam

There’s no wifi up here so I can’t watch The Simpsons.  The cheese is very tasty – I’ll send you a chunk. Adam